Librarian in my Head

I’ve a confession to make, with apologies to all my wonderful librarian friends.  It seems I have a librarian in my head.  I noticed hir presence as a part of the process of returning to practice of meditation.  Zie seems a charming sort–offering all manner of options for distraction, each one vaguely related to the next (if I were to say my librarian has a touch of the Google or TV Tropes sense of arrangement, would you follow what I mean?).

Was a time when the resident organizer of my sitting was a dj (disc jockey is no longer the appropriate term, is it?) and meditation came replete with a playlist.  Okay, so more often than not it was a single-song playlist, but it was musical.  My current organizer, the aforementioned Librarian, is more of a research jockey–toss an interesting idea (er, book) into the air (or, in this case the mind…the one that ought be empty) and see what wacky connections appear.

Last night, the LIMH was relatively quiet; on Saturday zie was all over the place–suggesting repeatedly that I look this matter or that subject up to see what was what.  I’m fairly certain 42 appeared nowhere in the pool, but it may as well have.

I’ve been practicing labeling my thoughts and letting them go while sitting, using the well-known technique of a gentle “thinking, thinking” when LIMH tosses a book and further “aversion, aversion” or “desire, desire” to sort the kinds of books tossed.  Last night, most of them were aversions–particularly aversions to people or specific situations involving specific people. I’m also using this practice in daily activity (or, at least, trying to), where I notice a fair amount of desire (“I want…”  And, I have to say, I want a hell of a lot).  While sitting it is easy enough to name and let go; the latter of these, letting go, is far harder in daily activity, where I tend to become obsessive.  I must go here, do this, read that, and so forth.

Difficult though it may be, it’s a worthwhile practice.  And LIMH is getting a heck of a workout finding new books* to toss.

*Writers may be more familiar with the term “plot bunny,” which is as applicable in my daily life as a mental librarian throwing books.  I follow a hell of a lot of rabbits down holes.  Also, many of my librarians would resort to far more dastardly items to toss than books which are to be revered: coffee mugs, e-books, obnoxious professors…


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