I hold Duff McKagan entirely responsible for this text.
Okay, that’s not quite accurate–he inspires part of my ramblings today, but not all of them. And, hell, it’s not like anyone reading these pages could possibly find the above comment surprising. So, Duff, thank you for providing the board from which I will now gracefully leap, or be shoved, as it turned out.
Last week, for those who don’t (shame on you) keep up with Duff’s various blogs, Duff jokingly proposed (see, yes, I got the joke) a new political ticket: McKagan/Novoselic in a post in which he speculated on some of the current failures in American politics, politicians in general being the most central to these failures. Krist (the Novoselic mentioned above, should you be wondering), responded with a fantastic takedown of the American public and the need for “we the people” to become “more personally invested” in the entirety of the political process. Duff then responded in kind.
For what it is worth, I agree with both–sort of. I do think that personal investment and radical transformations are significant and necessary. Even though my last adventure on the matter rather blew up in my face. A small, if rather vocal minority, advocated for radical change and were summarily rejected, often in rather vicious ways. In the end, many of us either stepped down or outright left the church. Two factions existed, they could not come together, and one gave up the fight.
Do I see a correlation with the current Health Care Reform Bill? Yes, I do. In this case, a vocal majority advocates for change but spend a great deal of effort hoping for a better majority. As my husband often reminds the kids, better is often the enemy of good. Hell, any one who has ever attempted a dissertation might agree–there are two types after all: finished and brilliant.
And those categories tend to be mutually exclusive.
Yesterday, I ended my membership at the aforementioned church. That I was struggling with the direction of the church is nothing new to anyone here, and it is true that I resigned my leadership positions in December. My foot has been out the door for some time. What changed this week, though, had little to do with the church theology and politics, at least I think so. What happened was gossip.
Now, I’ve been pondering right speech of late any way in preparation for Lent (I was rather leaning on it as a theme), particularly after reading A.J. Jacobs’ delightful The Year of Living Biblically, which, sadly, I don’t have in front of me right now. He notes in the course of the year that the need to think carefully before speaking becomes a concern of his almost to the point of obsession (the sections on honesty are just wonderful). At what point do we abandon honesty necessarily? What needs to be said? Will it help or hurt the world for me to speak this particular act?
In the midst of all of this, I was reading slacktivist (granted, I am always reading Fred’s blog, it seems. Really, I do have a life. I promise) and this comment struck me:
The authors do a commendably thorough job of debunking and refuting Warnke’s claims. Their earnest, devout perspective makes that debunking even more thorough as it requires them to take agonizing pains to avoid bearing false witness or a lack of charity. You’ll rarely encounter muckraking conducted with such sorrowful reluctance or such genuine lamentation over every bit of dirty laundry uncovered.
And he’s right. I read those articles and several more besides, as the writers at Cornerstone dismantled Warnke’s stories and others who helped to propagate the hysteria that has come to be known as the Satanic Panic. Utter commitment to honesty and charity, even whist pointing out the myriad ways in which Warnke lied.
And then Tuesday happened.
I mentioned a few weeks ago (and the events I mentioned are largely why I’ve not been writing as much as I should) that several events had occurred in my life–big ones–but not ones that were mine to share, though they directly affect me. I pondered laying all the stories out at the time, but it felt unjust. And, truth be told, it still feels like it would be, so please bear with my vague references for a moment. On Tuesday, it was relayed to me that one of those events had been shared with a party who had no particular need to know the situation. The sharer of the story was a church member (who, I’ve no idea, given how few people I’ve told) and the sharee (?) was someone who has been troublesome in my life.
Again, suffice to say that the information was inappropriately shared. At a time when I desperately needed sanctuary–and I was trying to seek it at the church, in my own small ways–a member of the church took it upon him or herself to tell the story to someone who not only was not a part of the tale but is also someone who I emphatically do not trust.
I wonder if the layers of conversation about gossip and right speech were to prepare me for a response to this mess.
Cue the Duff blogs: Krist’s remarks in response to Duff made me think more about right speech–and right action. I can sit back and complain about the ways in which I feel wronged or sad, or I can attempt action. I can be that change, rather than simply hoping for it.
In other words, did the rugs get pulled because there is a transformation that I need to recognize and have allowed myself not to see? Have I not been personally invested enough in something I need to pay more heed to?
I’m not quite at a point of action, though I did a damn fine job of running yesterday–maintaining a lovely 7:00 minute mile on the quarter-mile repeats. (Note to self: running fast–yes, this is fast for me–does not suck. In fact, it rocks). I am though at the point of consideration–seeking more examples of right speech (clearly, I don’t ever want to–even inadvertently–do this to someone else) and change.
I think, though, the notion of radical transformations will be my Lenten reading. I’m also going to fast this time–I’m not buying any new books (this is HUGE for me, really) and I’m not going to eat meat during Lent, just to change up my meal structures for a while…see what happens.
I’m looking for book suggestions on this theme–any are welcome. I’ll be blogging on the readings (and probably kvetching about the fast) throughout Lent. I’m definitely going to include some political readings (I generally do, this is nothing surprising), but I’d really like to encounter some that deal with transformations of process, not just idea-worship (which I excel at already).
Okay, I promised to write on Beautiful matters, rather than just Disease ones, so to sum up the beautiful here:
- Political dialogues by favorite bassists who are also willing to think and explore possibilities (what is not to love, really?)
- Lenten readings
- A chance to create, rather than receive, sanctuary
- Running. Running fast, in particular. Next race is at the end of the month. Woot!
And while this last is clearly about addiction, it is also quite beautiful:
- This Sunday will be 365 days